Environmental air transport launched
A REVOLUTION IN air transportation has been announced by British Twangways, the aviation division of Man Mountain Enterprises.
TwangTM uses the energy stored in household elastic to propel passengers up to 700 miles. A special launch system has been developed with can be installed in relatively small spaces, including an averagely sized back garden.
"Current air transport has a number of significant disadvantages," said Prof Echnuel Fowel, the brains behind the new system. "These include the cost and environmental damage due to the use of aviation gasoline, the inconvenience of hanging around airports, and the increasing delays due to security."
Environmental groups have applauded the new concept.
"I think it's bloody brilliant," said Dave Intopressure of the Society for Cosseting Albatrosses and Badgers. "To think: it will no longer be necessary to use hundreds of gallons of aviation fuel which causes greenhouse gases."
Green lobbiests have been warning for some time about the dangers of exploding greenhouses if we continue to pump them full of the waste gases from airliners.
"Now all that is history," said Intopressure. "You will be able to fly from your back garden in London to the south of France using only renewable elasticated energy."
But not everyone is pleased by the development. "I think it's a complete disgrace," said Ed Teeth (known to his friends as Grit) of the Society of Careless Earth Destroyers. "If everyone fills their garden with knicker elastic, what will be the impact on the environment then? We've been using jet airliners for years and the levels of exploding greenhouses have been comparatively low. It is all a question of assessing the risks of horrible death."
Prof Fowel was keen to stress the benefits for the everyday traveller. "For short-haul flights you will now be able to leave whenever you want. Simply by activating the ratchet system, your TwangPodTM can be ready in a matter of minutes. Then it's off to wherever you want to go in a 700 mile radius."
A spokesman for British Airways said the company would not be making an immediate investment in the TwangTM system.
"This may very well be the future," said Captain Rip Uptherunway. "But we want to wait and see. The system still has a couple of technical details which need to be ironed out. The first is that it will only deliver passengers to a destination 700 miles away -- it won't go any other distance. The second is that the landing procedure has not be thought through. We don't believe that rubber sponges tied to the front of the craft will be sufficient to prevent passenger injury."
Mr Grave E Train, British Twangways managing director, has told Adenews exclusively that the new system has already gone into production.
"We are using a sophisticated hybrid material call PAP E-A MashyTM. This is cheap yet robust and, importantly, environmentally friendly. The elastic is being supplied by Marks and Spencer."
To find out more about this transport system or to book your exclusive seat on the first British Twangways flight, call 0800 TWANG.
TwangTM uses the energy stored in household elastic to propel passengers up to 700 miles. A special launch system has been developed with can be installed in relatively small spaces, including an averagely sized back garden.
"Current air transport has a number of significant disadvantages," said Prof Echnuel Fowel, the brains behind the new system. "These include the cost and environmental damage due to the use of aviation gasoline, the inconvenience of hanging around airports, and the increasing delays due to security."
Environmental groups have applauded the new concept.
"I think it's bloody brilliant," said Dave Intopressure of the Society for Cosseting Albatrosses and Badgers. "To think: it will no longer be necessary to use hundreds of gallons of aviation fuel which causes greenhouse gases."
Green lobbiests have been warning for some time about the dangers of exploding greenhouses if we continue to pump them full of the waste gases from airliners.
"Now all that is history," said Intopressure. "You will be able to fly from your back garden in London to the south of France using only renewable elasticated energy."
But not everyone is pleased by the development. "I think it's a complete disgrace," said Ed Teeth (known to his friends as Grit) of the Society of Careless Earth Destroyers. "If everyone fills their garden with knicker elastic, what will be the impact on the environment then? We've been using jet airliners for years and the levels of exploding greenhouses have been comparatively low. It is all a question of assessing the risks of horrible death."
Prof Fowel was keen to stress the benefits for the everyday traveller. "For short-haul flights you will now be able to leave whenever you want. Simply by activating the ratchet system, your TwangPodTM can be ready in a matter of minutes. Then it's off to wherever you want to go in a 700 mile radius."
A spokesman for British Airways said the company would not be making an immediate investment in the TwangTM system.
"This may very well be the future," said Captain Rip Uptherunway. "But we want to wait and see. The system still has a couple of technical details which need to be ironed out. The first is that it will only deliver passengers to a destination 700 miles away -- it won't go any other distance. The second is that the landing procedure has not be thought through. We don't believe that rubber sponges tied to the front of the craft will be sufficient to prevent passenger injury."
Mr Grave E Train, British Twangways managing director, has told Adenews exclusively that the new system has already gone into production.
"We are using a sophisticated hybrid material call PAP E-A MashyTM. This is cheap yet robust and, importantly, environmentally friendly. The elastic is being supplied by Marks and Spencer."
To find out more about this transport system or to book your exclusive seat on the first British Twangways flight, call 0800 TWANG.
posted by AdeNews at 12:12 pm
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